Timing is Everything

Salton came home on the 14th and it was so great to see him again.  I had worked the previous Saturday, so was able to go home a little early that day.  We had such a beautiful afternoon together and he told me that since it's holiday stand-down, he will only have to work half-days (except for the 24 hour duty/watch every three days).  It made me start to feel angry that I work so late now.  I feel like the closer we get to February, the faster time goes by.  It doesn't feel like I have enough time and I'm becoming spiteful at the things that are taking my time away.

Then, the next day was apparently argument day.  That Sunday before he came home, I spent the day cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, and decorating for the holidays so that it was nice and wonderful for when he returned.  But when I came home Wednesday from work, already resentful from having to work when I could be at home with my husband, I saw multiple dirty glasses on the tables, clothes all over the living room floor, boots next to the desk, and dishes in and around the sink.  It wasn't a good way to start my evening at home.  I tried to let it go because I didn't want it to ruin our few hours together.  We had dinner and before I took Penny, our dog, for a walk, Salton asked me if I was going to clean up.  He said he was kidding, but that was all it took.  I still tried to just not even say anything, but I felt the anger and resentment surfacing.

After my walk with Penny, we started getting ready for bed, silently, and right before I climbed into bed, the silence was broken by that sound that every cat owner dreads - the alien sounds of a cat vomiting.  Salton offered to go downstairs to clean it up, but since he didn't even try to get out of bed, I figured I should just go.  Of course it was dark, so I stepped in kitty's little present (complete with ribbon she had eaten earlier, which I specifically told Salton to shoo her away from!).  That was the end of my silent anger.  It was on.  There was no shutting me up until almost 2am.

The ombudsman said it's typical for arguments to become more frequent before a deployment, so I was really trying not to start an argument.

Failed... miserably.

The next day we were scheduled to go to a Habitat for Humanity volunteer orientation, which I set up for us while Salton was away.  Volunteering in the community helps you advance in the Navy, so I'm told, and since Salton has been trying to improve his advancement chances, I figured this would be a great way to help.  I've always wanted to do something for Habitat for Humanity anyway.  But then I remembered what he told me on the 14th about his new holiday schedule.  2 half days, one 24 hour day.  This was the 24 hour day.  I tried seeing if I could go to the orientation for both of us but no one got back to me about it.  So, no Habitat for Humanity for us.

I was also told that he has a 24 hour day on the 22nd, the day my work place has a holiday party.  *sigh*  Guess we won't be going to that together either.

And Christmas day.  Our first Christmas together will be on the ship because he's working.  Not exactly how I thought we'd spend that day together.

There's less time now than ever, and even that small amount of time remaining is being taken away because of either the Navy or my work.  I can't change what the Navy decides to do with our time, but I can change my schedule.  I feel like the responsible thing to do is to stick it out.  But I keep asking myself, is it worth it for me to stay employed somewhere full time while this time I have left with Salton is so short?

Pro: After the deployment starts, I won't have excess time to dwell on how much I miss him.
Con: I don't have enough time with him in these few short weeks before deployment.

Starting Somewhere

Since I would hate to burden all of my Facebook "friends" with my ramblings, thoughts, concerns and rants about being a lonely Navy wife, unfortunately for Blogger readers, this is where I chose to post these sort of things.  Hooray!

My husband Salton and I were married in September.  So far since then, we have spent more than half of our time together apart.  It doesn't help matters that I work full time and get home at about 6:30 pm, which means that if he is even home at all, I only get to spend a few hours awake with him.  But that's not necessarily the point.

Today he is gone.  That's my point.  He left on my 30th birthday, just five days ago.  He will not be back for another week and already I miss him.  Happy birthday to me!

I really try to put on a happy face, but I'm sad... and lonely.  No matter how many distractions I have, it's never enough to fill that gap where my husband should be.  His car isn't in the garage.  I can't have dinner with him.  I don't get to hug him in the morning before work.  He's not sitting on the couch with our dog when I get home.  There's just an empty apartment - the same as I left it.  I should be more used to this, I think, but I'm not and no matter how hard I try to tell myself that this is normal for me now, I'm not sure I ever will be used to it.

I've been wondering how most wives deal with this.  I'm new to all of this really, and it's not so bad in comparison to some couples that have to be apart for a full deployment.  But, if I'm like this right now, when he is only gone for a few days at a time, how am I going to make it through the 7-month deployment that starts in early February?

Perhaps I should try to post a Pro and a Con of my solitude at the end of each blog entry to help myself cope with things a little better...

Pro: All the dirty dishes are mine and I don't have to clean up after anyone else
Con: All the dirty dishes are mine and there's no one here to clean up after me!  Crap!