Deep Dark Facebook Depression

I'm probably going to be a little blunt in this post, so if you're one of my fellow navy wives... there's your warning.


There are certain things that Facebook friends don't want to know, shouldn't know, or don't care about.  Your total state of depression is one of those things.  If you're posting every hour or two about how much you miss your husband, how lonely you are, how much "the waiting game sucks ass btw :((( " then you've got a serious problem and probably need more help than facebookers can provide.  Get a job maybe.  Take a class.  Get up off your ass and go for a walk.  Find some friends.  Get a dog.  Basically, grow some balls of independence and self-reliance.


Some tips from me to you: If you're so depressed about being alone, don't count down the days or even weeks until your husband returns from deployment; it will only make it seem longer and each day will drag on.  Don't curl up by your lonely self and eat a whole cake (I kid you not, these are all real life examples).  And most of all don't watch The Notebook!  Any woman with common sense knows that movie will have you sobbing like a baby even on your best days.

We've got several months to go, so if your feelings of negativity, abandonment, resentment, spite, anger, loneliness, sadness, etc are already getting so bad that they are all you can talk about on facebook... dear god, I don't think you'll make it past the third month without a "/wrists" status update.


I've found that being upset over the things you can not control, only seem to make the things you CAN control that much worse.  So, find something to laugh about, even if you're laughing at yourself.  I laugh at myself all the time.  It's not hard... I say and do some really dopey things...it's just my nature, being blonde and all.  Also, your husband is out in the middle of the ocean, or who knows where, so try to make it a little less about "you."  He knows you are probably not the happiest camper right now, but there's nothing he can legally do about it.  Sending sad, whiney emails or letters to him are not going to make him, or you, feel any better about the situation.  Be supportive, make him laugh... he'll love you more for that than any "omg why did u leave, i hate the navy, blaaah" messages you send.


Sure, we all get sad and miss our sailors, and it's perfectly fine to vent.  But we need to make sure those negative feelings don't consume us, or the people around us.  Don't think that just because my facebook posts are generally goofy like "pimpin aint easy," that it means I don't miss my husband or love him as much as the next woman.  I'm just trying to bring a little laughter into others' lives instead of sadness. 


Positivity is key.  Instead of thinking about him being gone or leaving you, keep in mind that he will come back.  He's not gone forever.  He's safe and in good hands.  And meanwhile, you get to burp and fart and forget to do your hair or your makeup.. and do other non-lady-like things that would otherwise make you seem very unattractive to him if he were here.  I didn't shower Saturday and I sat around all day in the same clothes I slept in.  It was fun!  Enjoy it while you can sisters!  They'll be back before you know it.

Pro: The nifty little "Hide posts by this user" feature on facebook means I don't have to see those frequent complainers complaining

Con: I will have less to write in my blog about :D

That Tingly Feeling Down There

Just discovered one of the worst parts about deployment. Sure, I could do "it" myself, but really I'm too lazy and it's not the same anyway.  I miss just lying there making noises.  It's fun and I don't have to think about anything.

Maybe it'll just go away.

Yeah, right...

Pro: Um, really is there a pro here? Oh yeah ok well I guess there's no clean-up if nothing's happening.

Con: NOTHING'S HAPPENING!

If You're Gonna Make Me Cry...

Oh it was too good to last.

One of the other wives took a video of the ship leaving the pier.  It was shaky, not even cool, didn't show anyone being emotional, and the song selection was awful. If you're gonna make me cry, do it right.  I didn't really get the feeling of total abandonment, nor did I see wives bawling their eyes out and curling up in the fetal position on the ground.  Pathetic.  She's not going to win any awards for that videography.

It was a rather dull, uninspired short film.  And I cried.  Not hysterically, but real tears nonetheless.  I couldn't help thinking to myself, "this is awful - I shouldn't have watched this." But I couldn't stop myself.  I watched it about five times in a row.  That awful excuse for a mini-documentary.  Horrible, I tell ya.  But it did something to me.  Salton was not standing on the ship; he was inside the Pilot House.  In the video, I could see the window where he would be standing...and I searched, with squinted eyes, to see if I could catch a glimpse of him.  I would settle for a shadow, or a blur, or the tip of his cover... I saw nothing but the window.  And it made me wish I would have stayed to watch the ship leave in person.  He could have seen me, even if I couldn't have seen him.  I could have been that one person, in that awful excuse for a mini-documentary, that was visibly sad to see the ship depart.  I may not have been in the fetal position on the pier, but no doubt in my mind that even Salton, up there in the Pilot House, three or four stories high, behind a window I couldn't see through, would have been able to hear me crying.


Pro: I can watch it as often as I want here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MERxhLWU2vU
Con: I probably will watch it as often as I want...

First 24

It's been 24 hours so far since the ship left and I've been taking it surprisingly well.  I have no idea why or how.  Here's a basic run-down of my past 24 hours:

Hour 1 - Salton said goodbye. I cried. Got in my car and sobbed for about 5 seconds, then drove home.
Hour 2 - Thought about cleaning up his mess, but I didn't.  Would make it all seem too "real" for me for now perhaps.  I watched tv and ate lunch.
Hours 3-5 - Mind was reeling.  Thinking about the deployment and what I'm going to do, how I'm going to react, what it's going to be like when he comes back, etc.
Hours 6-11 - Dinner with a few other wives. It was nice. We talked for a long time about our lives, jobs, where we're from, and about our husbands (probably my most favorite topic). I realized that Salton provided me with some of the most romantic stories to share.  Our relationship, the proposal, our wedding.. all fantastic. It's been a while since anyone has asked me to share our story, so I had forgotten how romantic and spontaneous and full of love our short life together has been.  I can't help but to be proud of my husband for what he has done for our lives.  He's pretty amazing.
Hour 12 - Home.  Feeling damn good about our relationship.  Seriously, it's like my soul is smiling.  Saw my first email from Salton and felt even better.
Hours 13-15 - Put on Salton's sweat pants, nearly tripping myself walking downstairs in those things. Thought wearing my husband's clothes could be hazardous to my safety. Played video games.  Shh!  I like video games.
Hours 15-22 - Asleep. Woke up sprawled across the whole bed.  It's MINE now.  Mine, all mine!
Hours 22-24 - Salton and I emailed each other back and forth and I talked on the phone to my mom and his.

So perhaps the fact that he's gone will hit me harder down the road a bit, or perhaps I did my grieving already.  I'm not sure.  I've missed him this whole time, but only get sad about it every now and then.  I haven't been sad enough that I break down in tears, aside from that first goodbye.  I read how a few other wives are cleaning and doing this or that to keep themselves occupied so they don't think about it.  But honestly, I've been openly talking about it for the past couple months so I don't really think I have anything that I need to keep my mind off of.  It's done.  He's gone.  But, he'll be back.

Pro: Soul is still smiling.  I couldn't ask for a better husband.
Con: Stomach is growling.  No husband here to make me food anymore :(