Some Wine and Some Whining

I had been staying at Salton's parents' house for the holiday weekend.  It was... I don't really know how to explain it.  I saw a lot of things, drank a lot of wine, and went to a lot of places like Napa Valley, but it just wasn't the same without him there.  I posted a while ago about how the 4th is a pretty special time for us and it always will be.  But I realized this time just how much it means to me.

Last time, we were together, alone on the beach at night.  It was foggy, cold, quiet and intimate.  This time, wow what a change.  The weather was so nice that the crowds came rolling in.  The beach was anything but quiet, and the opposite of intimate.  The lack of fog meant more people from the city (San Fran) wanted to spend their holiday at the beach.  Who can blame them really?  It seemed like half the city had migrated to the small beach town where Salton's parents live.

Strangely though, even with all the commotion, I couldn't stop thinking about last year.  How I complained about the fog and the cold and how I just wanted to be back in San Diego where it was clear and warm.  If only I could go back and take those few minutes of complaining away, and enjoy the cold, foggy, empty beach in the arms of Salton... how much better it would have been to just take in that time we had together a little more.

We both want more memories like that.  It's looking like he won't stay in the Navy now.  He just thinks he's missing too much, and I guess he has a point.  But as I reminded him... he was in the Navy when we made that memory, so it's possible to make more even while he's in.

Deployment's hard on both of us.  You would think it gets easier the closer we get to the end, but it has actually been getting harder.  For a while, we had more arguments and hurt feelings because he was changing and I'm so stubborn that I don't back down.  He was getting more distant with each week and I was trying to figure out why and snap him out of it.   We both know it's just the stress of the deployment, being around emotionless and insensitive guys for months at a time, but we had to have a serious discussion, with a whole lot of tears.  It wasn't easy, but I think... I hope... we'll be OK for the remainder.

I can't figure out if it's the anticipation of his return, or the fact that it's just more days that he's been gone, or if it's the holiday that meant so much to us... that for the first time we spent apart and was so entirely different than when we were together.  Either way, he needs to be home already.  I miss him more than ever.

I don't like it.